I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
