is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
