i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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