that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
