You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize