i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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