My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
