I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
