the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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