mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
