she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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