woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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