I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There are leaves in my underwear?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
