oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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