If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
