there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
