I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
