while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
