i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
