I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I still have a little drunk in my system
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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