First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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