it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
