please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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