His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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