i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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