if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
