yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
