I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
