Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
