I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sext me about skeletons
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
