I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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