her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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