I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
