nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
