dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
