Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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