Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
not ubering you a puppy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
