I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
