NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
