You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize