Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
