Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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