you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
