We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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