I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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