Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
