Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
