You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?