Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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