He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.