just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap