There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.