Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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