I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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