Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
