how do flat chested girls get laid?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need water and some morals
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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