nutella sex= disaster
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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