Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sobbing to NWA
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
