I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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