hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
