the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
