let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
