Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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