i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
