I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Enjoy the penises
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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