I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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