i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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