I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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