I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
