I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need a beard to bite.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
