i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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