I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
