Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
