My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
